Am I good enough for you to love me too? - Evanescence
Self doubt is a useless whore. I always feel like I am scraping by on some lie and once everyone figures out what a bad person I am they are all going to run away.
The truth is that different people draw different things out of each of us. B challenges me in several different ways: She makes me try harder to work out and be healthier. Living longer is a good thing. When I work out with her I always discount the work I am doing (my forms is not right. I can barely life weight. The usual demons). Instead of focusing on how far I have come.. I'm thinking of trying the heavier weight on kettle bell tomorrow.
Sharon and Megan can sew. I have no patience for such things. I get frustrated and think I must complete ALL THE THINGS TODAY! This is something I am working on. Shay is an excellent quilter and has given me various sets of stopping points along the way. I am learning it's ok to have a project. They are called projects for a reason. And there is no perfection in sewing.
Lisha, Bean and B can dance in various ways. POinted toes. Long beautiful lines.. I always feel like a giant lump. I have rhythm. I can untza Untza dance. I got that down. I can dying flower dance with the best of them. Punch the baby, kick the baby dance.. check. If it's gothic night.. I got this. I even learned some basic pole dance moves. I would like to learn Bollywood. I want to learn Irish dance. But too much learning new things makes for a crazy Kari.
The Beast is good at learning all the things about whatever it is he is learning at the time. I find this frustrating. I think it's because I am jealous of his ability to listen to customers intently and listen to something else in a different ear and be able to concentrate on the both of them. This is a talent I had in school.. listen to teachers and carry on my own conversation. But this arm has been lost because it hasn't been used.
So what's tonight's lesson? Self doubt happens. I am still super awesome. I just have trouble remembering it sometimes.